刘沧龙分享:研究:走出分手阴影仅需11周 Time really IS a healer! It t

A new study, aimed at discovering the positive effects of break-ups, has suggested it takes three months to get over a relationship falling apart.



Research published in US magazine, The Journal of Positive Psychology, found that it takes 11 weeks to feel the beneficial effects of a relationship split.



This follows previous findings that it could take up to six months to be able to move on.



Gary Lewandowski and Nicole Bizzoco of Monmouth University, New Jersey, questioned 155 people who had been through a break-up in the last six months.

新泽西州蒙莫斯大学的盖里·莱万多夫斯基(Gary Lewandowski)和尼克尔·比佐科(Nicole Bizzoco)询问了155个在过去六个月内分手的人。


They found that 71 per cent of people began to see the positives in the split in just a short period of time.



Those who've made it through the initial three months after a break are described as having left 'the recovery zone', a period of painful adjustment and healing.



Lewandowski and Bizzoco found that people started to feel better about themselves and developed strong coping strategies beyond the 11 week mark.



However, this research may only apply to short term relationships. A different study that questioned how long it would take couples to get over a divorce found the time frame was significantly longer.



Dating site found that it takes an average of 18 months to get over a marriage breakdown, which is six times longer than Lewandowski and Bizzoco's estimate.



This may be because a marriage is considered a more serious commitment. Of those questioned by the website one in six said they found it hard to deal with the feelings of failure.



And while 43 per cent of people said that they felt a sense of relief when their divorce came through 31 per cent said that they still felt a sense of sadness.






If you find yourself suddenly alone, don't despair. Relationship expert and self help guru Dr Pam Spurr gives her tips for healing the heartache...

如果你突然觉得孤独,不要失望,恋爱专家和自助专家帕姆·斯普尔(Pam Spurr)博士给出了治疗心痛的意见:


1. Don't blame yourself



Remind yourself regularly that the relationship ended because your partner had the problem with communicating, which was nothing to do with you. You were willing and able to talk about your problems but your partner couldn't deal with that... which is their loss.



2. Take up something new



It's important that it's completely unrelated to your ex, and even better if it's something they didn't want you to do! So many people who've had these sort of break-ups keep doing the same things they did with their ex, which just increases their pain. Leave those things until much later, when the pain of the break-up has faded.



3. Date for fun



Now's not the time to look for another meaningful relationship. Enjoy your friends, go out with interesting people, but put all thoughts of a replacement relationship out of your mind.



4. Don't be a relationship bore



Spend more time with your friends and family by all means, but try not to keep going over the break-up with them again and again. Much as they love you and want you to be happy, even they can't be expected to stick around if you're constantly going over the same ground. You need your friends, so don't scare them away!



5. Work on your 'I don't care' attitude



Even if you do still deeply care about your ex, with practise this will really help speed up your recovery. Focus on all the annoying things they used to do; try and decide what used to irritate you the most. Soon you'll be amazed to find you really don't care any more.